My Year of Jubilee

The Junk Drawer

coolcarla — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 15:01:32 +0000

In the kitchen, beside the fridge, is a drawer. You have one too, although yours may be in a different location. It is the drawer where odd bits and pieces of life collect, things that don’t have a place or a purpose. There are lengths of string and almost-used-up batteries, leftover seeds and lost puzzle pieces. Bouncy balls, thumbtacks, very short pencils without erasers and the covers that go over batteries in handheld devices discarded long ago. You know that place. You visit it periodically and rummage around looking for something.

The only time that the Junk Drawer gets cleaned out is when I get angry. Picture this – I walk to the drawer and try to put an object inside, but its overcrowded condition makes it difficult to open. I tug and pull and start to feel my blood pressure rise with the exertion. Suddenly, unexpectedly, it pops open and vomits it contents around my feet. I pick everything up and attempt to stuff it all back in the drawer. I also try to add the object in my hand. But this time, the drawer will not return to its former place. No matter how much I rearrange and shove its contents around, it will not close. I impatiently fiddle with it for a minute or two. I utter a few words of contempt, “Stupid drawer.” I kick the cabinet. Nothing works. Finally, giving in to my mounting anger, I snatch it out of the rollers and slam it on the kitchen table and grudgingly dump its mysterious contents out to be exposed to the light of day for the first time in months.

Then, whether I like it or not, I am forced to take the time to face what is in that drawer. I am surprised at how many things have become worthless trash since I stowed them away for safekeeping. I am also pleasantly surprised to find treasures. Little things for which I have been searching for months reappear as if by magic. Sorting the drawer takes a little of my precious time, but when the thing is tidy and back in its rollers, I can walk away with a feeling of freedom and a little more space for collecting future bits and pieces of life.

This past week some genuine anger forced me to dump the drawer in my heart where I keep bits and pieces of my life. It is not a task that I relish. In some ways, it seems a waste of my time. The people around me don’t like to see me struggling with that drawer. They sometimes become victim to my anger. But it had to be done in order to make some room for new stuff. I used to hate the emotion of anger, but I’m realizing in this Year of My Jubilee that anger is a great motivator for cleaning out the junk, and rediscovering the missing puzzle pieces of my life. Anger helps me find freedom.

I AM Still a Mother!

coolcarla — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 20:26:30 +0000

Because I run a business, I get a lot of free magazines. Someone is always wanting to sell ad space to our business and they send us sample copies of their publications. Since our product is educational, I see mostly mags that are geared for mothers and focus on family life.

In looking at these mags, I have noticed something that is very disturbing to me. If you pay attention to the information and images in the articles in these magazines, you would most certainly come to the conclusion that a mother ceases to be a mother when her child becomes a teen. For example. in the latest edition of the publication Working Mother, there is not a single mention or picture of a teenager in the entire publication. Not one in the articles. Not one in advertisements. It seems as if mothers of teens are not regarded as mothers by this magazine. The word mother only defines women with children below the age of adolescence.

I wish that I could say that this was a coincidence, an accident of editing. It is not. I have been thinking about this for some time, and actually searching in “family” mags with the specific intent of seeing if they include the mention of mothering teenagers. They don’t. It is as if our society has decided that these older children are transported at age 13 to an entirely different universe independent of adult contact and adult influences.

But I would like to redefine “family” to include teenagers. For example, Jr. High and Sr. High schools should be family places encouraging parental involvement as much as elementary schools do. Church youth group should be a family affair with a place for adults to worship alongside their teen. Parks and vacation destinations should provide activities for teens AND their parents in their family packages. “Family friendly” movies should mean something beside cartoons.

As the mother of 2 teen boys and a 3rd son who just left those teenage years behind for his 20′s, I can say with experience that mothering does NOT end at age 12. And family togetherness isn’t against the law after adolescence. Discipline of teens is necessary. In fact, I really wish that some of the parents of the rowdy 7th and 8th graders at our church would show up and take responsibility for their kids. Those children need some parenting even though they have attained the magical number of 13. Loving parential affection and acceptance is perhaps the most important thing of all for provide to during those insecure teen years. The formula, time=love, doesn’t change because of the 13th birthday of a child. Parents and teens HAVE to spend time together to build healthy family relationships.

There is one group of magazines where this trend to cut off parenthood at year 12 isn’t reflected – magazines published by and for moms who have chosen to educate their children at home. Homeschool magazines are chock full of teenagers doing all sorts of things with their families – playing, working, relaxing, studying, even praying together!

Setting Goals in Reverse

coolcarla — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 22:12:06 +0000

One of my sons is in 4-H. I won’t tell you which one, but as a hint, his name starts with an “S” and ends with a “TH” and their ought to me a “ME” in the middle between those letters, but there is only an “E” instead. 4-H is a wonderful organization, except for one aspect of the program – the dreaded record book which is due each January. If you have never 4-Hed, please allow me to explain this leftover from the Spanish Inquisition. The way it works is that each 4-her chooses a project to work on for the entire calendar year, and using this choice, structures their 4-H activities with specific goals in mind to accomplish within the greater project. The record book is a journal in which each youngster records his or her progress as those goals are met during the year. At least, that is the way that it works in theory. In reality, what happens, at least in the Hardwick house, is that we come to the end of the year without a single thing written in the record book so we frantically try to fabricate one before the deadline. We try to look back over the year and find something -ANYTHING- that might be construed as an accomplished goal to record there. This is particularity difficult since my 4-Her never actually chose a project for the year. If the truth were to be told, his goal for the year would be – “Do as many fun activities as mom and money will allow without doing any activity that would require study or commitment or expenditure of my resources” (i.e. his own personal money) . I looked for Selfish Fun under the listing of projects, but that particular project is NOT on the list of 45 different categories from which to choose. So all this cold Sunday afternoon we have talked about the 4-H activities that he ended up doing and brainstormed a way to retrofit a goal or two to those activities.

As it turns out, there was a pattern to the activities in which he participated this past year and he did in fact learn and grow in spite of his lack of commitment to a goal. He actually completed quite a few fruitful activities, all of which required teamwork. He was forced to work with other kids for the benefit of the greater group whether he liked it or not. And I think that he found out that when the situation required it, he could be part of the herd. His parents and older brothers have long been aware of the God-given ability he has to lead, to direct others within a group, but he has not yet become aware of his gift. So 2009 was a step in the right direction. A leader has to experience teamwork before he can lead the team.

Filling out the record book is a dreaded, hated project for mother and son, but I can see how it can shed light on the lessons learned from the previous year and personally I am half tempted to look back on 2009 and see if I can find a way to retrofit a goal or two to the empty record book of my life.

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

coolcarla — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 05:02:34 +0000

Goodbye, 2009.

Hello 2010.

2010 just has a good balanced feel to it. Practically everything in 2009 felt a bit off-balance. Our business was off balance, we faced the big obstacle of CPSIA and the moral/legal issues of violating a stupid, stupid law. In the end, we shut down for three months, restarting a business from nothing (on credit) in early summer. The products and website we originally designed in 6 years (2003 – 2009) we updated and redesigned in just about 6 weeks. I think that the stress of that reopening of our business (and the lack of income while it was closed) greatly contributed to the breakdown of my health. And I feel sure that it also hindered somewhat the recovery of Steve from his heart surgery.

Our family life felt off-balance in 2009 too. The manly head (and hands) of our family started the year very weak and unable to lead and serve in the way to which he was accustomed. The year ended with the heart and soul of the family (me) wounded and weak from health problems. Our sons took on more independence and more of a leadership role (a good thing)both inside of and outside of the family unit, but the wisely observant eyes of their loving parents sensed a wavering insecurity because of their ailing parents.

The absence of my father, and the care of my mother also caused the extended family unit to be a bit off-balance. One is a lonely number. In the larger family unit, there were many empty places around the dinner table at Thanksgiving (so to speak) and we miss them all so much – Cousin Larry, Uncle Johnny, Aunt Nelly, Aunt Audrey – my heart feels a little lop-sided without you all.

2009 was unbalanced in faith and friendships as well, but this time in a good way. I was greatly blessed by a whole bunch of new friends who wrapped arms of comfort and love around me and my family during difficult days. Their affection far out-weighed the length of acquaintance which usually balances relationships on the other end of the teeter-tooter. A lot of those arms came from people at Midtowne church, a very good place for an unbalanced family to worship. My God never leaves me, of course, but there are times I am more aware of His hands in my life. I can look back and see how He was working in the middle of wounds to heal hearts, both the physical kind that beats, and the unseen kind that is beaten.

Life is not a perfectly balanced see-saw (where’s the fun in that?) but a series of ups and downs. Perhaps 2010 will be a an ‘up’ year. The work we did on our business in 2009 should yield dividends in 2010. The growing independence of our sons can only lead to a larger world for them and a growing dependence upon the One who gives eternal security. Steve and I are both still alive and kicking with a strong commitment to do whatever we can to preserve and restore health. My mother is doing what she wants, living alone. The missing loved ones aren’t really missing, I know where every single one of them is and I will see them at a great Thanksgiving dinner not too far in the future.

Friends, old and new, continue to give love and also give opportunities to love back.

Yep, 2010 has a balanced feel to it. He is in control and balancing it all out.

Happy New Year to all!

Happy Birthday Noah

coolcarla — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 03:17:59 +0000

Birthdays of our children are double-edged swords for mothers. If you are a mom, you know what I mean. We absolutely beam when we think of the growth and maturity of our children, but we can’t help but wonder where the years of their infanthood, (childhood, teenhood) went? They grow up so fast. If you are a mommie with a little one, don’t ever fall into the habit of thinking that your little rug rat will NEVER grow up. The night feedings will pass, so will the toddler tantrums and the constant questions of the curious preschooler. The backyard will be empty of neighborhood children one day, and eventually, the homework will be done. That baby will grow up. Trust me, he or she will! The time will pass faster than you think.

Happy Birthday, Noah! You have become the man that I dreamed about in the night as I half-dozed while rocking my little new born baby boy. You know that I am always yours.

Mommies, of little ones, enjoy your dreams tonight. Tomorrow, or the day after, they will be reality.

Sunny days and Sundays

coolcarla — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 04:54:42 +0000

It was a beautiful sunny day today. On sunny days my body just perks up. I can’t explain it. Maybe it has something to do with Vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, or maybe it is just a physical response to the fact that I like sunny days more than rainy ones. I’m not sure. But I almost always feeeel better on sunny days.

On Sundays I perk up spiritually. Again, it is hard to explain why. Maybe it is being around other believers at church. Maybe I just feeeeel more spiritual on Sundays. My mind knows that God is with me every day, but He seems nearer on Sundays. Maybe it is because I slow down a bit on Sundays and take a little more time to remember that He is there. Of maybe it is just that I like Sundays in the same way that I like sunny days, a matter of personal preference.

Today was a sunny Sunday, the best possible combination of days. It was a good second day for my year of Jubilee. I got to teach today at church. That was fun! At Midtowne I don’t get that opportunity as often as I did at HC, so when I do have a chance to teach, I am really thankful for it. When I start telling a familiar Bible story, something just takes over and it is as if I don’t even have to think about what is coming out of my mouth. I suppose that might be the influence of the Holy Spirit. I also think that I talk to myself as much as I talk to the kids I’m supposed to be teaching.

The favorite part of my day today was Caleb. My little fellow is 16 years-old today. Wow! Where did the time go? It was only yesterday that I was looking at him in an incubator in NICU. At 10 lbs. , 6 oz, he barely fit inside the incubator. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done to drive away from that hospital and leave him there. I thank God for healing him and sending him home to make us all smile and laugh aloud for the past 16 years. He has such a funny way of looking at life. His jolly comments keep us ROTFLOL. But in an equal proportion, he has a servant’s heart and is always wanting to help his moma. I have to retweet Mary and say that I am most blessed among women to have a son like Caleb.

Freedom from clutter – 2 drawers cleaned out.

Hugmeter – A bunch of hugs at church. I think my hug count is up to about 20 now.

My Birthday

coolcarla — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 03:45:05 +0000

The first day of my year of Jubilee was such a fun day. My kids practically assaulted me with hugs this morning and birthday wishes and gifts. Caleb gave me a couple of pillows. He know how much I enjoy sleeping on the couch. Seth gave me a copy of Fireproof, one of my favorite movies, and Noah gave me a set of earbuds. I have just about worn out the last pair that he gave me. Gordon sang Happy Birthday to me from inside the dairy case, behind the 2%, at Walmart. It was hilarious! People were staring at the milk as if they thought the jugs were singing in chorus.

Later in the day we took a drive through Holla Bend wildlife refuge. It was very pretty! We took some nice pictures of some of the wildlife. I have never seen so many red-winged blackbirds in my life. They flew over and flew over and flew over in long lines that looked like a black twisted necklace set with ruby jewels (red wings). I saw a bald eagle!!! I’ve never seen one in the wild before. We also saw a flock of turkeys . . . excuse me, wikipedia says that I saw a rafter of turkeys, and a crane-like bird as well as some sort of hawk, some ducks and lots of geese. We also saw a large bird with a yellow belly perched on the side of a tree like a woodpecker. From the mammal kingdom, we saw deer and an opossum.

When we got home, Orion was shining brightly in his azure blue sky and the seven sisters were still dancing. I didn’t hang around outside very long though because I wanted to read the messages and emails left by my friends.

I just don’t know how my birthday could have been any better!

See some of those birthday pics - http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4263324&id=723914275#/album.php?aid=171864&id=723914275